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Ears last won the day on May 3 2020

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  1. Aladdin Verstappen has been banned from this year's Bahrain magic carpet race. Apparently he’s been using performance enhancing rugs.
  2. My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you... oh, and your obsession with tennis.” I replied, “That’s 15 love.”
  3. I spent the whole of yesterday trying to find a pun about carpentry but nothing wood work.
  4. Of course, I don't need the compensation now: the fee for the photo was enough!
  5. An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.” The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with four child
  6. Doctor: Sorry sir, but the tets show that your body has run out of magnesium. Me: O Mg !!!!
  7. The CEO of IKEA has just been elected prime minister of Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of next week.
  8. I asked my Granddad, “After 65 years you still call Grandma 'darling', 'beautiful', and 'love'. What’s your secret?! He said, “I forgot her name five years ago and I’m too scared to ask her.”
  9. Aaaah! https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/editors-picks/cat-brings-ailing-kittens-to-vet-in-turkey-v718817e3
  10. Zoom yoga sounds like a contradiction in terms.
  11. Time here may be spent but is never wasted !
  12. A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in. The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.” “Good!” said God. “Sit at my right side.” Then God asked, “Doberman, what do you believe in?” The Doberman answered, “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.” “Aha,” said God, “You may sit on my left.” Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?” “I believe,” replied the cat, “that you are sitting in my seat
  13. This is good too: https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html
  14. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p09c4xgt
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