jkbmusic

You’re Joking, right?.

Recommended Posts

Moderator

In these depressing times, and the accidental removal of the Jokes thread 9_9 (You’re Joking, right?.) I thought it might be amusing to post “real life” anecdotes. I’ll start things off, to see how it goes.

Yesterday, using my iPhone6, my text conversation about my granddaughter using WhatsApp, with my daughter-in-law, went like this...
Me “Probably doesn’t trust it, in can she thinks you might by spying on her :ph34r:.”

Me “Case she, no can”.

Me “Jeez, I must get a bugger phone, 9_9“.

Me “I mean bigger” :(

:doh:

So coincidentally today I received an email from the Spies at Apple, “Get up to £400 towards a new iPad.”

I look up my perfectly working, but aged iPhone 6, to see how much they’ll give in PX :22:.

Nothing!, but they will “recycle my device for free”

You’re Joking, right?.:rofl:


 

Keep it clean, no swearing, and it might catch on.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

affc74f7eac9ab41d70eb921fa9e4985.jpg

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Super Wammer
Posted (edited)

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

PS.  A bit like this forum :D

Edited by greybeard
  • Like 1
  • Haha 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator
32 minutes ago, jkbmusic said:

post “real life” anecdotes.

:doh:

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Super Wammer
8 minutes ago, jkbmusic said:

:doh:

You don't actually think I read your posts :rofl:

  • Like 1
  • Haha 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator
1 minute ago, greybeard said:

You don't actually think I read your posts :rofl:

These jokes are getting better :D

  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator
2 minutes ago, greybeard said:

You don't actually think I read your posts :rofl:

Best one so far, Colin :rofl:

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One of my clients, a private school, emailed me for a price on several items.I replied: "Thank you blah blah..." gave her a delivered price and said I can arrange an overnight carrier if ordered before 3pm.

A day later she mailed me to confirm the order. Then she put "how long will it take to deliver?"

Just shows that people don't read a email properly. 

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator

She was probably confused by your Sign Off.

3 minutes ago, plasticpenguin said:

I replied: "Thank you blah blah.”

:whistle:

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator

Go on as it happened years ago.

I was working for an old fashioned organisation and of course senior managers did not work over the weekend.

Being recently promototed and keen I went to the older site on Sunday.

There were some contractors working there behind a fenced off area. I got there and ambled up to the site to say hello. As I get there I notice about 10 people working on the site. I see one guy right by a huge safety notice, I walk up and say Excuse me M8 you do not have any safety gear on and this huge sign says you must wear a hard hat, gloves, high viz jacket and safety boots.

Nah M8 that doesn't apply on a Sunday!!!

Errr...it does.....

His foreman comes over. We have agreement of the boss of alf and safety...no need for all that crap.

Oh, let me introduce myself, I am the Head of Health and Safety and this work stops now and we will talk on Monday. Have a nice day, it just got worse.

  • Haha 5
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator
9 minutes ago, George 47 said:

Go on as it happened years ago.

I was working for an old fashioned organisation and of course senior managers did not work over the weekend.

Being recently promototed and keen I went to the older site on Sunday.

There were some contractors working there behind a fenced off area. I got there and ambled up to the site to say hello. As I get there I notice about 10 people working on the site. I see one guy right by a huge safety notice, I walk up and say Excuse me M8 you do not have any safety gear on and this huge sign says you must wear a hard hat, gloves, high viz jacket and safety boots.

Nah M8 that doesn't apply on a Sunday!!!

Errr...it does.....

His foreman comes over. We have agreement of the boss of alf and safety...no need for all that crap.

Oh, let me introduce myself, I am the Head of Health and Safety and this work stops now and we will talk on Monday. Have a nice day, it just got worse.

:off: Typical Jobsworth” 9_9

.

.

.

:D

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator

When I was still "working", I used to travel across the Pond every couple of months. On one of those trips, I had some time to kill waiting for my flight from Atlanta, so queued up at a cafeteria in the departure lounge for a sandwich and a bottle of beer. The woman on the checkout, who must've been 18 at most, looked at the beer on my tray and demanded that I show photo ID to prove that I was over 21 (legal drinking age in 'murica). I was in my late 50s at the time, lots of grey hair, etc. etc., and it had been at least a couple of decades since I had last needed to prove my age, so I was gobsmacked for a moment or two. "You're joking, right...?" I said...but no, she was deadly serious...I had to get out my passport before she would let me buy the beer. :doh:

  • Haha 1
  • Confused 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Super Wammer
10 minutes ago, Tony_J said:

When I was still "working", I used to travel across the Pond every couple of months. On one of those trips, I had some time to kill waiting for my flight from Atlanta, so queued up at a cafeteria in the departure lounge for a sandwich and a bottle of beer. The woman on the checkout, who must've been 18 at most, looked at the beer on my tray and demanded that I show photo ID to prove that I was over 21 (legal drinking age in 'murica). I was in my late 50s at the time, lots of grey hair, etc. etc., and it had been at least a couple of decades since I had last needed to prove my age, so I was gobsmacked for a moment or two. "You're joking, right...?" I said...but no, she was deadly serious...I had to get out my passport before she would let me buy the beer. :doh:

Atlanta, 'nuff said

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moderator
16 minutes ago, Maverick said:

Atlanta, 'nuff said

Indeed - average IQ barely larger than their shoe size

  • Haha 3
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many years ago I was working on a construction site at an empty hospital, the company I worked for had sent us two apprentices as the work being undertaken would help them with their NVQ’s. One of the areas they needed work based evidence for was PPE and H&S. As there was a large amount of work to be completed in the loft spaces filled with fibre glass insulation they were given disposable paper overalls, gloves, masks and goggles.

Just as they were all dressed and lined up to have a photograph taken the site agent walked past and said “I’ve got some disposable hats in the van, give me five minutes and I’ll go and grab them”.

He returns with two hats with elasticated chin straps and the construction company’s logo on them. The two apprentices put them on and I take a photo for them to put in their portfolio.

I wish I could have seen the college tutors face when presented with the photos of two apprentices with disposable bed pans perched on their heads!xD

  • Haha 9

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.