Ears

Jokes, old or new (again!!!!)

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Super Wammer

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Super Wammer

I thought the Aldi thing was a joke - until this afternoon.

Person in front at till had unloaded four packs of toilet roll (24 rolls each), six bottles of bleach, 36 eggs, eight big bags of flour, at least ten bags of pasta and 14 packets of paracetamol (I counted). And quite a few bottles of vino (maybe 24), but I can't hold that against her. And to be fair, she did have a box of Border's dark chocolate gingers, so maybe she wasn't all bad. 

Not only did she think that lot was entirely reasonable, she had only brought two bags with her and was asking for another six 'bags for life'.

I thought the Tesco staff were superb in their handling of her. They gently (but just loudly enough) explained the law regarding purchase of painkillers. The Lady was Unimpressed but had to make do with two like everyone else. The duty manager was called and equally gently reminded her of other customers' needs. Without in any way denigrating her or impinging on her rights as a consumer, he allowed her to continue making an absolute twat of herself in front of the pre-4pm Sunday checkout rush. She left with a mountain of groceries piled beside the checkout and a couple of claps from other customers.

I had very little in my basket but as my son and I have stinking colds and have nearly run out, I 'panicked' and bought two of her 12 'remaindered' paracetamol packets on the spot. The security guard on the way out said she'd cleared out the entire remaining stock.

In the car park, she was wrestling with the three huge bog roll packets she'd been allowed to buy (after arguing she really needed them) when the automatic boot of her Porsche chewed on one, bursting it and sending a few precious loo rolls rolling across the car park. I considered helping her but decided against as I couldn't see an obvious way to increase her embarrassment.

Despite all the refinements the modern luxury SUV affords, she still managed to hit the plastic bollard behind her on the way out. Her 'car' was in fact facing outwards and all she had to do was engage in that common activity known as driving.

Alas, if she'd been blonde I would have gone straight back in to buy a Euromillions ticket.

Edited by batteredhaggis
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Q: why don't sax players like playing soprano?

A: there's no place to hide your drugs

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Moderator

I went to the Chemist today and he advised me to stop taking vitamins.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, shoplifting is illegal," he replied.

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I hate people who think it is clever to Take Drugs.

EG: Customs Officers

Edited by audio_PHIL_e
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Moderator

Doctor Doctor I think I am becoming a kleptomaniac.

Are you taking anything for it...?

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23 minutes ago, Ears said:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday.

So the delivery bloke knocked on the door today to check if we were okay.

I totally get that one.

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Doctor Doctor everyone keeps ignoring me.

Next please...

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Blonde: Doctor Doctor can you give me some contradictive pills?

Doctor: Sounds like you're ignorant

Blonde: Yes, that's right. Three months

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