Ears

Jokes, old or new (again!!!!)

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An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Can I get you a drink?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“How about something to eat?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“What about some peanuts?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

Frustrated, the bartender cries, “What’s with the long no’s!?”

image.jpeg.8d859b4e610609130abfe2ced6dd7352.jpeg

Edited by Ears
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Moderator
7 minutes ago, Ears said:

An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Can I get you a drink?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“How about something to eat?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

“What about some peanuts?”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooo!”

Frustrated, the bartender cries, “What’s with the long no’s!?”

giphy (1).gif

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Another oldie getting an airing

Man  " Doctor I keep feeling kind of blue "

Doctor "I think youve got Mild Davis"

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3 war-weary soldiers were stumbling along in the desert - an American, an Englishman, and a Frenchman. One of them stubs his toe on a bottle sticking out of the sand, the top comes off and out comes the genie. He says "3 of you, one wish each". The American asks for a shiny red pickup truck with lashings of chrome, and gets it. With a "Yee Haarrrr" he drives off, leaving the Frenchman and the Englishman to present their wishes. The Frenchman asks for a wall around France, to keep the immigrants out. With a snap of the fingers the genie says "It is done , Master", and then the genie turns to the Englishman saying "What is your wish?". The Englishman says "Tell me about this wall around France"., so the genie says "It is 25m tall and 15m thick". The Englishman says "Excellent - fill it up with water!".

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Skeleton walks into a bar 

And orders a pint of beer and a mop

Edited by ProJules
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An Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The barkeeper says "Is this some kind of joke?"

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23 minutes ago, Ears said:

image.jpeg.8d859b4e610609130abfe2ced6dd7352.jpeg again

Why do anteaters never get sick?

Because of all the antybodies inside them!

I think it also deserves a :

giphy (3).gif

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Reilly is on trial for armed robbery when the jury foreman comes into court and announces "Not guilty"

"Thats great" says Reilly "Does that mean I can keep the money?" 

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Posted (edited)

If I pay more tax, will Covid 19 go away?  

They seem to think it will work with Climate Change!

Edited by Ron Hilditch

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It's p***ng down, so an old favourite - one for Jerry maybe

A guy walks into a pub, with 3 ducks - " A pint for me, and a half each for the talking ducks please"

So the barman turns to the first duck  and says "Here's your drink - what's your name, and what sort of a day have you had"

"My name's Huey" he replies " And it's been a brilliant day.  Quick swim first, then a long walk in the rain, in and out of puddles all day - brilliant"

The barman turns to the 2nd duck and says "How about you?"

"Oh my names Duey - and I've had a terrific day. Quick swim first, then a long walk in the rain, in and out of puddles all day - brilliant"

Turning to the 3rd duck "I bet I can guess you're name's Louis isn't it?"

"No - my names Puddles, and don't even ask what sort of a day I've  had"

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On 31/12/2020 at 22:08, audio_PHIL_e said:

 The Englishman says "Excellent - fill it up with water!".

"FOR SALE

Genuine French army WW2 rifle.  Never fired.  Dropped once"

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