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Jokes, old or new (again!!!!)


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14 hours ago, jevy47 said:

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The Billy Connolly effect?

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A Rabbi and a Priest are sitting together on a bus. After a bit, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”  The Rabbi responded: "Yes

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Good Evening Guys,

Since the forum came back up again I can't see any of the images being posted - what's changed?

Regards

Richard

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2 hours ago, Ears said:

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend all day in a boat drinking beer

fixed ;)

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11 hours ago, Ears said:

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.

this is not a joke, 'tis the truth

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The local pub was so sure that its barman was the strongest man around that they offered a standing £1,000 bet.

The bartman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a customer. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, dockers, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day, a scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”

After the laughter had died down, the barman said, “Okay”, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.

Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the lemon to the little man.

But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the barmanr paid the £1,000, and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living? Are you a farmer, a weight-lifter, what?”

The man replied, “I'm a tax inspector.”

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One of Ken Dodd's finest...

What a beautiful day for knocking on the door of the Kremlin and asking 'is Len in?'.

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38 minutes ago, Wine man forthe County said:

One of Ken Dodd's finest...

What a beautiful day for knocking on the door of the Kremlin and asking 'is Len in?'.

...or for walking into Selfridges and asking if they sell fridges...

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